I remember the day we met, 8 1/2 years ago. I was in another relationship that was making me miserable. I wanted to break up with him but I didn’t know how, and I didn’t want to hurt him. You and I ended up at the same place, watching a band that my friends played in. I remember seeing you across the room and thinking you were cute. Finally after hours and about 6 slow songs you stumbled over to me, and asked me to dance. My heart did flip flops as I said yes and followed you to the floor…….That was the beginning!
I never gave you my number that night, and I never expected to talk to you again. You however had different plans. I remember the night that everything changed. My friend was dating your friend. I was still with the other guy. My friend, invited me to her boyfriend’s house with her, she promised to not make me a third wheel. I went unwillingly. I had no idea this was all planned. When I walked in, I saw you and my heart stopped. I had thought about you, but I never imagined I would ever see you again. They left us to talk. So we did. We talked for hours. We laughed and shared so much about our lives, and it wasn’t long before I realized I liked you. You must have felt the same way, because you kissed me. That kiss changed my life. It was the first time I knew for sure I had to end it with the other guy, and the first time I understood the “feeling fireworks” comment people make. I did give you my number that night and so it began….
When our relationship began it was perfect, it was another time in my life, where faith didn’t mean anything and church was something I only did on occasion. I was in love with you and I remember the time I let it slip and how scared I was. I also remember after everyone left you wrapping me in your arms and telling me how much you loved me too. It was after that, that I was at your house so much, I had practically moved in. You were my first real love. Things were great until…….
You became distant. You were never home anymore. You would make excuses as to why you couldn’t see me. More and more I was staying at my own house and seeing you less and less. I was losing you and I didn’t know why. It was then I agreed to go away and see my best friend for a week. We were apart. I flirted with guys while I was there but it never felt right. I always thought of you. When I came home you had bought me a stuffed animal and told me how much you had missed me. It was all I had hoped for. Then you found out about my flirting and you ripped my heart out…..you left me! I loved you and you hurt me! I thought I would die. (I didn’t, but I thought i would).
The worst part is I let you back into my life so many times after that, again and again I tried this with you. Each time I walked away disappointed and hurt. This last time was the worst. The one that made me realize you could never and would never change. After some bad decisions that left you with consequences you began talking to me and acting as though you turned over a new leaf. Saying that you had only ever really loved me and how you wanted to marry me. I was trying to be guarded but the more time I spent with you and your family the more my heart was giving in. I was in love again. However you had not changed, not one single bit! You were talking to another girl. Saying the same things to her that you had been saying to me. I could not believe it. I made the mistake of digging in your phone and I was wrong, but to find what I found in that phone devastated me. I had fought on your side. Been there through so much, more than any other girl would have. I had fought with friends and family about you who warned me not to go this route again, but I believed you, I LOVED you! But you, you just HURT me again! My point in all this is to tell you, you have no control over my emotions anymore. I have no feelings for you anymore, I am mostly numb where you are concerned. I don’t love you (At least not in a romantic way, only in the way that Christ has called us to love others), because you don’t deserve that, I am worth more than what you gave me. I also don’t hate you, because honestly that requires too much thought about you. I mostly just don’t think of you. AT ALL! I wish your family well and even you but I don’t feel anything, and that is a first in 8 1/2 years. I just wanted you to know that YOU HURT ME, AND I LOVED YOU!
happilyeverafterunedited 